Things I love: themes and sub-headings.
Things I also love: sharing my thoughts with you without having to actually talk with people. Not that I don't love people, it's just easier to be more concise this way.
Conclusion: I'm going to combine those two wonderful things into one for you right now. :)
What I've got going on right now is two main themes for my life:
Stewardship & Intentionality
then to really apply those in my life, I've got four beautiful, beautiful categories which I've turned into sub-headings because organization is a beautiful, beautiful thing:
Be Real
God at the Center
Pray continually
Dependent
And for the sake of aesthetic appeal, I've organized those four sub-categories into these wonderful little note cards:
I've struggled with being authentic most of my life. Who hasn't, right? It involves me being constantly aware of myself, my intentions and motivations behind thoughts and actions and a constant questioning of what I'm doing - am I doing this for the sake of how others might perceive it? Or am I being completely real in this moment, with this person, with myself and God. A big part of that has involved me learning to be a good steward of my time and being intentional with my time to relate with other people. I am a highly-trained time-waster, and one of the most obnoxious and testing parts of the last year of my journey in life has been God getting me to look at my life and weed out things that honestly don't matter in the scheme of His kingdom.
"A true person of prayer simply and sincerely bows before God and pours out the contents of his or her heart. While this is not always the most natural or easiest thing to do, it is exactly what God is looking for."
I'm not called to be a pretender.
God has had to do a lot of wall-breaking down for me to even be able to be honest in communication just between the two of us. For me to be honest about my thoughts and feelings out loud to the Lord is hard, even though I know he knows what I'm trying to say better than I do. It's part of being honest enough with myself to say - I need help, this sucks, I hurt, I'm happy, I like this person, I'm terrified about...whatever. And that openness definitely translates into my relationships with others - the more I'm honest with myself and understand that my inner thoughts and desires don't change how God loves and sees me, the easier it is to be open and share about those thoughts and such with others.
This goes hand-in-hand with being authentic. While I'm being real and intentional with others, am I constantly aware of God's hand in that? Who am I giving the glory to?
I like talking about the neat things I see God doing. Since I'm an undercover introvert, I spend a lot of time being introspective and I suppose you could use the term "worshipful" when I observe people, nature, anything I think is beautiful. I see beauty literally everywhere. And I love, love to carry on a constant stream of praise -
"Lord, you did awesome on that."
This one is a tricksy one. I love praying, but it is definitely not always my go-to in each moment I live. During REACH, I went to a little session about habits and I think prayer is very much a developed one. Me being intentional and constantly being a good steward of my time by being in constant prayer with the Lord is a big deal! It shapes my day, my life, my reactions to everything.
In my Bible study small group, we talked about circumstances and control. I'm an out-of-the-closet control freak and when I can't control things I can get a little frustrated and freaked out. The most recent example would be last night dancing - I like to lead and be in charge and do things myself and dancing requires me to follow which is so, so hard. So to all my dance partners who tried to lead and then I froze up or just turned your moves into complete, graceless chaos, you tried, I tried, try, try again next week. :) My apologies for being like a baby giraffe on ice.
So what we talked about in small group was - Do we have control over anything,really?
"God provides us with several breaths per minute. Our hearts beat 55+ times per minute. Our brains work continually. We eat or sleep or study or work or play 24/7...if we are aware that every moment of every day God is the source of all we have, our whole existence will be a continual prayer of thanksgiving and praise."
What I have decided is that I have no control over circumstance and situation what. so. ever. Zero. The only thing I have control over (as long as I am in control of my faculties) is my reactions to those circumstances and situations. And those reactions have to be developed. That's why continual prayer is so important.
Part of me praying constantly with God is me having to be aware of myself trying to take control of things - If I'm focusing on God, it's easier to relinquish a little control (and by "relinquish," I mean He has to pry it from my cold, dead hands before I'll give it up..) But as soon as I quit focusing on God, off I go trying to manipulate situations in my life to maintain a facade of control.
Following right behind giving up control comes being dependent. Like dancing with a partner, I struggle to depend on others and God. I like to be 150% independent, I hate letting people pay for things for me, I can get the door myself, and I do not need anyone to 'take care of me,' thank you.
Except, darn it all, that I do. It takes a lot to admit that, and God had to take me through absolutely sucky circumstances to begin to even open me up to the idea of dependence. I wasn't designed to be 150% independent - neither were you. I'm just telling you the way that it is.
Out of these four little areas, this one is definitely the hardest one for me but God makes the neatest (and most drastic) changes in me through this.
"The wiser course of action - the one Nehemiah chose - is to recognize how needy we are and how generous God is. Humility -- admitting that we need God's help - will drive us to prayer."
And if I try to run, God tackles me and wins. Pretty much all the time.
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