Can I start off by saying that I love Diane Sawyer’s
speaking style? She and Katie Couric were my presentation style inspiration
through my years as a speech kid and I think that they are both awesome women.
On that note, I am in the middle of working a midnight to
six a.m. shift and was looking at some different YouTube videos and stumbled
upon one about a 50 year old mother transforming herself to look like her 29
year old daughter using weight loss, multiple surgeries, hair color and
extensions, as well as purchasing the same clothes and make-up as her younger
daughter.
I am all for looking nice, I do not think there is anything
wrong with putting some effort into appearance. But watching this video I can’t
imagine this woman really being very content with who she is, instead of how
she is.
Whatever decisions about their bodies others might have and
the thoughts they have about themselves is up to them. As for me, God is starting to help me see myself in a
different way. If you follow along with The Beauty Project (which will
hopefully have actual posts at…some point), it doesn’t take long to realize
that, like most women, I struggle with placing more importance on my outward
appearance than my inward.
God has mercy and grace for me and forgives the things in my
past that make me feel like the only way I am valuable is if the world sees my
body as beautiful. Here’s the thing – everyone gets old. I can’t slow time down
and I will never view myself as “perfect”
nor will I ever be “perfect” enough for the world’s standards.
This last week I was out counseling at Manna, and I don’t
know that I showered more than….let’s go with five times and that might be generous.
Please understand – this is an outdoor, go hard all day camp and you sweat a
lot and are very, very active. Meaning, I wouldn’t classify what we all looked
(and smelled) like as being “beautiful.” I don’t know that I wore make up. I
had on glasses because the whole time I was so tired I needed them to see. But
you know what? It was the best camp I ever had.
I think one of the fears I have always had is that if I didn’t
wear make-up and people saw what I really looked like that they wouldn’t like
me and would reject me based completely on how I looked. No one rejected me; in
fact, I couldn’t even tell that people thought any different of me. In psychology,
when someone has a fear/phobia one way to treat that is by using ‘flooding.’
Flooding means you basically put someone in an environment they can’t escape
and are forced to confront their fear head on. Usually what causes us to have
fears is because we never confront them and never see what happens because
usually what happens isn’t what we assume would be the outcome and so we live terrified of our fears. Camp was kind
of like flooding.
God is changing my heart so that I care a lot more about how
my heart looks and my actions reflecting that than about how my skin or my body
looks. He is also changing my perspective on seeing others to look at who they are not what they look like.
“I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and
propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pears
or expensive clothes, but with good
deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” – 1 Timothy
2:9-10
In the video, a doctor talks about the mother-daughter
look-a-like situation and says:
“I’ve seen a lot of mothers, who, as they’ve watched the
transition of their daughters into womanhood, in a big way, it is difficult for
mothers to sit in a place without feeling the perception of losing it
themselves - Desperation, self-esteem.”
So here is my prayer while I’m sitting behind a desk
freezing at three in the morning – that I can age gracefully and with dignity. I
want to watch my daughters (God willing I have some) grow up and not be
obsessed with looking younger or as young as they do. That I will look back
someday and remember that I spent 15 minutes helping someone else instead of 15
minutes doing my make-up.
“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance
or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things
people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at
the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7
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