Sickness: The Adult Nightmare

Oh, hello world. You look blurrier than I remember.

Too ashamed to show the carton itself...

I am sick. What started out two days ago as a baby sore throat got completely out of control yesterday and erased my voice so anytime I spoke I sounded like I was in the middle of a hysterical breakdown. I slept involuntarily for 12 hours last night and now I'm sitting on the couch with, I kid you not, the whole carton of orange juice and a straw and I'm watching more Criminal Minds than the most hardened of Netflix-bingers.

Being sick is not the part that is a nightmare. I can handle sore throat, sinuses that hate you, body-aches and what-not. The worst part is that from my spot on the couch I see THIS:

This is the doorway into my bedroom. It might not look that unsettling but to me, sapped of energy and stuck in the house all day not doing what I thinkI should do - "self-care" - and seeing all the things I feel like I should be doing around me is torture.

I look at this and I see:

- Unmade Bed
- Clean laundry (getting wrinkled SITTING THERE) needing to be folded and put away
- stuff all over the floor, and that isn't even the whole room!

I know you might be thinking - "Woman, just relax! It's one day! Just stop looking around, drink your juice and watch your Criminal Minds!"

On a conscious level I know that. I know I can relax and one day of being home not doing anything won't kill me. I don't have to clean my house, you'll notice all the dishes and unfolded blankets? Also you can't see the rest of the couch but I've given up trying to clean it off and I've just burrowed myself in with all the mail, magazines, remote controls, and crafting supplies.

But my brain, as fuzzy as it feels, thinks I should feel a little bad that my house isn't clean and I'm 'just sitting around watching TV and doing nothing.' I don't actually feel bad but my mind keeps coming up with all these other things I 'should' be doing.

Packages need to go to the post-office, visit a friend in Omaha, ride with my roommate this evening to keep her company while she drives a friend to the airport. Yet, here I sit.

And you know what? That's okay. I don't have to feel guilty, ashamed or any of that nonsense. It's okay to just be.

So except for a quick run to Hy-Vee for some more orange juice (and maybe to drop off a job application...maybe), I will be here watching Criminal Minds, eating crackers and not apologizing for it.

Stay healthy, people!