Holidays-as-a-Single Survival Guide: Part 1

This holiday season (Thanksgiving, the three-month-long-commercially-promoted Christmas, and New Years) can be an absolutely magical time for couples. A lot of new relationships are beginning, a lot of engagements are taking place - wonderful things. I love love, in theory. At the same time if you are currently single (like me), sometimes all of the magical couple-y-ness can leave you feeling, well, a lot of lonely and a lot more left out.

#Foreveralone 

If you have a Facebook and are single, I can just hear you saying  - "Oh my gosh I know! EVERY TIME  I GET ON FACEBOOK someone else is getting engaged or _____ and ______ are 'in a relationship!' And if I see one more picture in the stupid snow of gross couples holding hands and freaking kissing, I'm going to delete my facebook and go get 17 cats and I mean it this time."

Granted, considering you are probably like me and checking Facebook happens just shy of 37 times a day, the 'every time' bit is a slight exaggeration but you know what I mean. It does feel like 'every time' I login, I see this:

And then this is your reaction (if you are single):

And then you send a snap-chat to your bestie that looks startlingly similar to this one:

You might even start thinking you hate love - you don't, you just feel bitter - these feelings, too, shall pass. On to what this is really all about:

"Most of the time, I love being single! But sometimes..."

How many times have you heard that or said it yourself? I say it probably just about every time I have a conversation with someone about romantic relationships (and my lack thereof). I've got some thoughts I've been working on for months now that I think I can finally share coherently with you. I've given this brief collection of reflections a quaint little title:

Holdays-as-a-Single Survival Guide

1. "Most of the time, I love being single! But sometimes...."

If you say this or hear someone else say it - that is okay. I'm going to re-frame that statement and I want you to look at it, think for a few seconds, and realize something.

"Most of the time, I love ___________! But sometimes...."

Dissatisfaction is normal. Discontent? People feel this all the time. People who love their jobs, love their spouse, love their kids, love their newborn, love their new puppy, love the stock market, whatever it is you will go through "But sometimes....." moments!

That is okay. I tell you this because no one ever really explained that it is okay to have "But sometimes...." moments and you need to know this now before you waste any more time feeling guilty or ashamed about it.

It's okay - embrace it, feel it, keep living your life.


Holidays-as-a-Single Survival, Lesson 1: Don't shame yourself for your feelings. 

It's okay to be a little sad or lonely - don't think that you have to be this "I'm single and loving it" person all the time. Now, I'm not saying you need to linger in these feelings forever and if you tell people your "But sometimes..." statement, some of them might lecture you about enjoying your singleness, what a blessing it is, blah blah blah, I'm not disagreeing with those things. What I'm saying is - you can love being single sometimes and you can dislike being single sometimes, too. Because here's a little secret - sometimes people love their spouses and sometimes they want to strangle them, too.

It's okay to be a "But sometimes"-er.