Are You Ready for a Change?

Here I am already a month into my second semester as a Junior. I am officially over the half-way point and on my way out of college instead of in. Now, I don't know if every college student experiences this - maybe others experience it earlier or later in life, I don't know - but all of a sudden it seems like I have even less of an idea what in the world is going on, what I want to do, and even more importantly, what I'm supposed to do. I've always thought ahead and thought in retrospect about questions like -

"Am I wasting my life?"
"Did everyone else have something figured out that I missed somewhere??"

Along with starting the transition from finishing up college (I recognize I'm a little melodramatic - I still have a year left) a lot of questions are popping up that I spend a lot of time thinking about:

"Have I wasted my whole college career?"

"Have I impacted anyone?"

"I have no passion for anything - did I screw up college and do it wrong!?"

"Am I going to look back once I graduate with major regrets?"

Basically, if I sum up all the feelings that come from these thoughts and wrestle with them for a little it I figured a few things out.

1. I know there are things I greatly enjoy and am good at, but how do I know if I'm passionate about them and what do I do with that passion?
2. Even passion for things I enjoy doesn't necessarily guarantee they will fulfill me.
3. I am terrified of leaving college.
4. What in the world is my purpose in this world?

Pretty sure everyone at some point in their life will ask one form or another of number four if not all these questions in not so different words. The question of purpose in life is a question that has been around probably since the first two people were introduced to creation. And like everyone before me, I've arrived at the same point, asking: What is my point, my purpose, in life?

Clarification specifically for Christians following along: I definitely think you can have a relationship with Jesus Christ and still ask this question. Accept it, embrace it, think and talk about it.

I've been thinking about all of this for the past couple months - basically since the school year started back in August and I realized the things I was passionate for that involved my interests, my wants and pleasures change from time to time and place to place. Because those passions turned out to be fairly fluid and easily shifted, this led to some major turbulence and discomfort - Shouldn't I know myself, my goals and passions well enough by now that they are consistent?? Why can't I figure them out? It was discouraging! So I spent Fall semester kind of wandering around, joining Bible study and getting more active in church, being more motivated about school, etc. But I still felt like I was just filling up my life with the requirements of things 'everyone should do.' It was hard to admit to myself that no matter how hard I tried and got involved, I still was coming up empty handed! Anyway, Christmas rolls around and, of all things, my Dad gives my older brother and sister and I this book:

The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here for?

Not being much of a believer in coincidence, I was pretty  excited that finally, there was going to be a little help trying to figure something about all this purpose in life stuff out. So off I go, hopefully on a pretty life defining journey for the next...40 days I believe. Every day there's a short four or five pages and then by the end of 40 days, I think something is supposed to click or something. I definitely believe God can use a book to get important things across to me. So 40 days from now, we shall see! My Bible study group is integrating this book into our week as well because, as usually happens in our group, we are all mysteriously in the same place and trying to figure out some of these same questions!


If you follow this blog you may have noticed there have been no posts for.....over a month. So, lucky you, I'm about to post AGAIN about my first day reading P.D.L.! Bonus! Happy end of January. :)