There's an App for That.

"The process is not your responsibility, yours is to believe God for the outcome."

My beautiful friend Kylie was telling me about her daily devotional app she had on her iPhone, and I thought that sounded pretty neat so I downloaded one too. It's called Spirit Meat and that was the title of the first devotional.

It was exactly what I needed to hear.  I've been so caught up with feeling overwhelmed by classes and being an RA again and tryin, trying, trying to balance a million things at once I've gotten distracted. I get caught up so easily in the process of everything that I lose sight of God's hand in my life.

Lately, I've felt God working in my heart specifically with the way I relate and have relationships with others. Normally I like to be friends with lots of people so I'm constantly flitting from group to group so I can be close to everyone but don't have to let anyone get close to me. Recently I have been praying for God to change my heart to stop avoiding relationships with people and I can see a very real change happening.

The greatest evidence of this for me is that I dropped a class this week.

Never, ever before now would I have even considered dropping a class. I have never taken less than 16 hours and to do so or to choose a class and then drop it, to my independent self says - "You weren't strong enough to do it. You are a failure." One of the main reasons was that I was overwhelmed and frustrated that I didn't have time to spend with people or to do my copious amounts of homework. Normally I would just spend less time with people and more time on school work because of my need to succeed.

God has changed the needs of my heart. Something else that has been really cool for me lately is that the more time I spend in God the more often I hear His voice. So I was in church this morning just listening to the sermon and letting my thoughts wander around and I started thinking about needing to find a replacement class, maybe an on-line one, to replace the one I dropped. Surely I could balance 16 hours and still maintain and grow solid relationships. So I started to pray about it that God would reveal the class I should take.

Now, here is one of my theories on God's voice. Usually I'm pretty sure it is His voice because he says the exact opposite thing of what I want to actually do. Anyway, the long and short of it is that He said something along the lines of - "Give me your time and let me show you what I can do with you in a semester."

Which is where the title of the devotional ties in.  I got so caught up in the process of trying to make my life fall into place and get every detail to work out that I lost sight of trusting God with my outcome. I know in my head and say out loud - "I know God has a plan for me to......graduate.....get a career......meet/marry a spouse.....insert anything else..." But then I get it into my head that if I don't take care of all the little detaails and work myself to death I won't get to the outcome I should, when in reality, I have zero say in the outcome of anything in my life, really.

So.

We shall see what God has for me this semester, because apparently He has a plan that requires 14 class hours instead of 16...