Carrying Your Love With Me

I am pretty hooked on this song by George Strait - "I'm Carrying Your Love With Me." It's pretty and the lyrics make me feel all warm and fuzzy and sappy inside. Anyway it just reminded me how thankful I am Christ is with me everywhere I go, and His Love is always carrying me!

My Thanksgiving break has officially started (because I'm skipping my last class to blog)! I am so thankful that I get to go home soon for more than two days and see my family! All five of us kids are going to be home for at least a day together, which is rare so I'm very excited for that. After picking up my caffe mocha with peppermint from Starbucks, I've been thinking about my life right now compared to a year ago and I have so much to be thankful for. Don't shake your head that it's cliche to make a list - everyone should make a list daily because we all have so much to be grateful for.

1. I'm thankful that I am single - because that means I'm not in the mess I was in with a relationship like last year. This time last year the breakup scene and Hannah's heart were in pretty messy shape and Thanksgiving was rough.

I like to humor myself and think that I've grown as a woman of the Lord and hopefully do a little bit better of a job carrying out this verse -

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of your life.  Proverbs 4:23

2. My Mom - I don't know where I would be without my best friend, mother, and Christian role-model. I can't wait to spend time with her over break playing piano duets, drinking tea, and talking about everything going on in our lives. Thinking about my Mom makes me want to cry a little bit inside because I miss her and she is just so incredibly awesome!

Mommy and I at Menopause the Musical

3. My Family. We may be a wild bunch of crazies, but I'm thankful for each of them. I am especially thankful right now because everyone has a job and no one is in any trouble.


4. Incredibly grateful for Coffee, one of the few things I remember to give thanks for on a daily (sometimes more than once) basis.

5. The work my parents have put into their marriage.

6. Stephanie Banks - whether as my partner in crime or in Christ, this girl has my back. She knows my heart in a way no other friend I have does and just gets me. Steph - I love you, have a wonderful break my dear. =)

Stephanie Banks and I

7. There are several other people recently who probably will never know that they made a huge impact on me but caused me to realize some huge problems in my life. Because I saw those issues, I have been able to understand and confront a lot of lies in my life.
Craig Price
Blake Jensen
Allen Prothmen
Karla Johnson



8. My Bible study group. Feelings has played such a huge role in my life, whether it's recognizing Satan trying to convince me I'm unworthy as a leader and trying to get me to cancel another night of Bible study to the lies we uncover and the truth we combat them with, this leap of faith is playing an integral part in my spiritual walk right now. I love all my girls - Kylie, Kaelyse, Sarah, and Lauren, and they make me smile and I am so thankful that I get to be a tiny part of their lives at least for a little while.
Girls - thank you. I love you, have a safe but awesome Thanksgiving.

9. My past year. Even though it definitely sucked at times, the experiences that took such a toll on me physically and emotionally are ones that have shaped me to the point I am at now. They have led me to a place where I was on my knees and had no one to rely on but my Savior and my God, and nothing could persuade me to trade my past for that.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. =)

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Lovely Noise - No Lovely Voice Required

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song."
Psalm 28:7

This week has been college-girl-crazy! Before last night (Thursday) I had an approximate grand sleep total of 18 hours. The next few weeks are jam-packed with projects, presentations, papers and exams for this girl. Other things contributing to my sleep-deprivation are few, excluding this pretty neat guy I've met recently. Unfortunately, because of him I'm now uncomfortably aware of how much coffee I drink. It can't be helped! I'm going to blame this on my dad and call it a genetically inherited disorder. I love it, I want it, I need it.

Latest addiction: Cafe Mocha with Peppermint.
Note to self: Google recipe, buy ingredients - can't afford any more Starbucks!

Even being completely exhausted this week, I got to see how God has been working in my heart. Sometimes I feel like I'm at a growth stand-still and that I haven't changed at all. One of the things I've been thinking about a lot lately has to do with my character and one of my favorite verses - John 3:30 - He must become greater, I must become less. It's funny how one thought can change the way you think about everything.

I've really been enjoying all the fall colors as the trees change, so I make sure I walk around campus taking my sweet time taking it all in before the snow comes.  While I was walking past the library last week, I started to wonder how I would want to be described by someone.  I want to be described as someone full of grace, compassion, love. A woman with a heart for others, puts others first in her life. is supportive, isn't proud, isn't self-seeking, is humble (got a long ways to go with that one), and is slow to anger. As I was journaling those things I realized that my mind has changed in the things I want people to see in me, especially in comparison to my life last year at this time.  The things I want people to see in me - compassion, love, etc. - those aren't things that I am naturally. Those are things that Christ is.

He must become greater, I must become less.

How I've really seen that in my life this week is that even though I am completely exhausted and weighed down with a million deadlines, I am not stressed out. I am not angry, frustrated or upset. I've been in a great mood with a great attitude all week - and I've had joy all week. I've been actively seeking out Christ in the midst of all this craziness and spending time just the two of us.

This is something we talk about in my Bible study - what you believe (your desires) determines how you act.  It's cool to see my heart in retrospect and see this kind of change - that some of my desires finally, finally match up with what Christ's desires are for me is so incredible.  It makes the leaves a little brighter, the days even better, my attitude of joy even fuller.

My favorite camp song ever is called Lovely Noise. It's been my favorite since I started to understand Christ on a personal level (first year I was a counselor - I think I was 13?). I love to be joyful, and one of my favorite ways to praise Christ and experience enjoying him is through singing. This song is so simple but so full of truth and says what my heart feels! I don't need to be complex about my worship - I don't have to be on a mountainside to appreciate God's beauty.

Maybe I've helped you get a little perspective on joy in a day when you really needed it. My prayer is that there is one person somewhere who reads one of these blogs and reads something that they needed to hear. Need a praise pick me up? Youtube "Lovely Noise" by Hillsong kids. Embrace the joy that Christ has for you.

"....This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."
Nehemiah 8:10

Everything that moves and breathes
Sing a song and praise the Lord
Lay your troubles at his feet
Sing a song and praise the Lord

If I'm rich or if I'm poor
Sing a song and praise the Lord
If I'm shaky or if I'm sure
Sing a song and praise the Lord

If I'm weak or if I'm strong
Sing a song and praise the Lord
If I'm short or if I'm long
Sing a song and praise the Lord
If I'm up or if I'm down
Sing a song and praise the Lord
If I'm square or if I'm round
Sing a song and praise the Lord

Oh what a lovely noise
When we raise our voice to sing
I wanna thank you Lord
You're the giver of all good things



Lovely Noise - Hillsong Kids

Lie #7: "I'm Not Worth Anything."

**This past week I have struggled so much with feeling worthless, and almost called off my 

Bible study tomorrow night because I didn't feel like I could lead it.  I pulled out the book we are studying and this was the next lie we were studying. I'm posting my study outline because I think that there is someone else out there who desperately needs to see this and understand they, too, are believing a lie.**

Lie #7. “I’m Not Worth Anything.”

Circle all that apply

Worthless           Un-valuable       Pointless             Invisible                

Inferior                Cheap               Meaningless       Useless                 

Waste                 Nothing             Insignificant        Unusable

he Problem: You are viewing yourselves and your sense of worth by the input and opinions of others.                         

Everyone who tells you some opinion or view of you, keep in mind that they are just as broken a person as you and they are already looking through a Broken Mirror at you.

    

Insert-A-Lie

 “I’ll always be ________________”

“Nobody could ever like me or want to be my friend/significant other.”

“Because of _____________ , I’m worthless.”

“I have to _____________________ to be liked or even accepted by others.”

Believe Lie + Act on it = Bondage.

What we believe about ourselves determines how we live.

#IDENTIFY: “I am not worth anything. I have a constant “need” for the approval of others. It’s to the point where I go crazy trying to please others by being what I think they want from me and who they want me to be.”

We are desperately searching for affirmation.

1 Peter 2:4 – How was Jesus’ sense of worth determined?

Christ put a price tag on you.

Whose opinions are you going to accept?

Believing a lie that will keep you in bondage or believing the Truth that could set you free.

Wanted: Inspiration

Bible study starts in...two hours. I love the girls in my study, and I really believe the stuff I'm teaching can be life-changing. Except, here's the thing. Even though I know I'm supposed to be doing this study, I don't feel like I'm making much of a difference.  The passion I had at the beginning has mostly dissapeared and I find myself constantly working on my lesson at the last minute.

Part of it is that I don't feel qualified. Why listen to me? Half the stuff I'm teaching I don't even apply in my own life. That's something I'm working to change, but it's hard to feel like a leader when I think I'm the one who needs leading.  Yes, I'm leading a Bible study - but that is no indication of how my life is with God. Not at all. My spiritual life is so far from perfect and I feel like I'm the blind leading the blind.

So I'm trusting God to use something I say to maybe make some little impact on the girls in my study - and even more of an impact on me. I've seen Him use stupid things in my life before in pretty incredible ways, this isn't any different. 

Well, God. I won't be like Moses.

"Here I am. Send me!"
Isaiah 6:8