More of You

The best lies are the ones that most closely resemble the truth.  One of the biggest lies I struggle with is the idea our culture presents that we all need to have our own identity – our own empowerment and strength, our own sense of self-worth, of our own uniqueness both in appearance and personality traits.  As a Psychology/Women's Studies student, I hear this all the time. I am surrounded by other students and professors who believe this and will argue it to the death.  But the more time I spend with God, the more I get to know Him, and the more of this lie I understand.

My identity is not defined by the color of my hair, my looks in general. It isn’t based off of how athletic I am, how literate, or how artistic I am.  My identity is found in Christ, not only is it found in Him, Christ is me identity. Christ is in me, because I am a Christian, meaning: I am Christ. That doesn’t mean I am perfect or can forgive sins or perform miracles. It means that my identity is wrapped up in becoming as much like Christ as I can. This can be really hard; it is incredibly hard for me.  To be like Christ means I have to always put others first, be patient no matter the person or situation, and be willing to do the dirty serving work no one else wants to do and do it without ulterior motives. Tough stuff!

That’s my goal though. To embody who Christ is and show how great He is to everyone around me.

He must become greater; I must become less.

John 3:30

That is my heart’s desire - that when people look at me they don’t see a girl who is simply nice to people, but that they see something so incredible and inexplicable in me that it lights a desire in their hearts for what I have. I want people to see Christ in me, even if they don’t know that’s what they are seeing, but to see that there is something different about me and to want that for themselves. 

Along with that, because I do have a serious pride issue as is mentioned in my about me, I want to make sure that when people ask me what it is in me that makes me shine, I don’t take the credit. When I get a compliment or praise that I can humbly express that the only good in me comes from God. When it’s just me running my life, I royally screw everything up. 

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.

John 3:21

The Center

I want to know how it feels to be

Standing in the center of Your will for me

I want to know what surrender means

Keep me in the center of Your will for me

                -The Center (Matthew West)

Welcome to the wonderfully chaotic learning experience that is the next chapter of my life.  Hannah Crabtree – Abel Hall Resident Assistant.  This means it is a huge treat to get five un-interrupted hours of sleep, eating takes the back seat to making posters, and that my life is more about putting others first than ever.  

How many times have I said to myself and to the incredible people on my staff since I got her how amazed I am at where God has put me and how all these pieces have come together so perfectly. It feels like I took a huge risk and leaped out of my comfort zone so completely into a free-fall of trust and it was to be put here on the fourth floor of Abel Hall with 81 residents and a fantastic floor partner.  

This is a call to anyone who reads this – it is a challenge.  There’s nothing like being in the center of God’s will for you. The thing is? You don’t know what it is. You have to let go and trust that God is going to put you there. Yes, it will probably be scary – the unknown often is. Yes, it may be uncomfortable. Most learning experiences are.  But don’t waste your life.  God has a call, a plan, a purpose for you. Don’t spend your life running away from it. Pray for your eyes, your heart, your mind to be opened to what is going on around you.

You don’t think you can do anything?

Get down on your knees right now and pray. God has given you specific gifts and talents for reaching others in His name. I urge you, as a fellow sinner, someone who has spent so much time wasting what God has blessed me with and has no right to judge your past or present actions, let alone be the one to speak to you about this, but don’t let your gifts go to waste.

Be willing.

Be strong.

Be courageous. 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

If I could stand without wavering.

What would my life be like if I didn’t question my call from Jesus? If I truly believed all the time that I am perfect in every way, that I am where God wants me to be, that I have a special purpose.

Some days, like today, I’m feeling like everyone else has a more important calling than me. Okay, truth, that is kind of a lie. If I am honest enough to admit to it, I really am thinking that people aren’t giving me enough attention for my call.  A friend of mine has a sweet blog full of deep and spiritual stuff, and here I am writing about day care.  Another friend is starting a Bible study this Fall, and I’m thinking what the heck, why are all my friends doing things that seem so much more important and reaching so many more people? Even the people I follow on Twitter seem to have more spiritual Tweets than I do! Ridiculous, I know, but it still gets to me.

Then I have to be honest with myself -  I am doing things. The problem is that I have a huge pride issue. I like recognition. Frequently, and lots of it. I like people to tell me that what I’m doing for Jesus is a big deal, that I am doing incredible things.

But guess what, Hannah? That’s not what your call is. It isn’t to let the world know how great you are.  Your call is to let everyone you come in contact with know what the grace and love of Jesus is all about. Screw you and your stupid pride, it gets you in trouble every time. Screw that pride to the sticking point and leave it there. Hang it on the cross. Jesus did not die so you could keep carrying your stupid pride around on your own shoulders.

Jesus died for me so I could nail my pride to the cross and be free from it.


..All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
1 Peter 5:5-6