Chivalry is Alive and Well

The last week I've been out at camp directing (I'm home until Sunday then back again I go!), and I have gotten an incredible lesson in what God created men to be. Throughout my life, I have had some very good male role models but also some very bad ones. This past week it was my pleasure to watch a handful of young men (15-16 years old) demonstrate Godly leadership and chivalry in a very active way.

Since the feminist movement started rolling everywhere I look I see men letting themselves sink into a life of passivity where they have been called to be active men of God. Watching these men has been so encouraging that REAL MEN still exist and embrace being MEN of GOD reinforced my idea that there are still those kind of men around and they are alive and well.

Then today I got a flat tire and three of my man friends were all ready and willing to change my tire and rescue me. Thank-you again Jose and Brady!!

Chivalry is not dead.    :)

Summer Jobs



Being an Adult Sometimes
Requires Snappy Dressing!

With today being the final day of New Student Enrollment (NSE) with UNL, I thought it was fitting to look over my employment journey that has been this summer. :)






Leaving school, I had no plans for what I was going to be doing for work - my plan was Colorado and get a job. So for the couple weeks of downtime between school ending and moving to CO I was not working.

Off to Colorado I went! I applied for jobs, I called about jobs, and finally after a week I got an interview with Forever 21. I was excited about that one because I love Forever 21, I needed a job, and I would have enjoyed working there! The interview went well (I thought) but I never got called back. The start of God nudging me back to Nebraska started with roadblocks everytime I tried to get a summer job - including the interview at F 21 - right before I left the house for it my best friend Meghan pointed out that there was a large hole in the back of the skirt..oops. Sewed that on the way - talk about nerves!

After God kept nudging until I finally said on top of Castle Rock (in Castle Rock, CO) - "Ok, I'll go back to Nebraska. But You're going to have to do something because I have literally no plans and no job prospects. And no money. So........" I was hoping God would kind of tell me the plan for jobs but the only thing I got was -

"Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Sasha and I

- Joshua 1:9

Sometimes I feel like God enjoys being cryptic - pretty sure it's because He has such a good sense of humor. So off to Nebraska I drive! Ready for something CRAZY? When I was coming back no one knew except one of my  roommates and my parents because I was going to surprise the other roommate and my boyfriend. Well, Sasha (love you darling) spilled the beans to my friend Miranda (one of my goood friends - we were all RA's together my sophomore year and they are now two of my dearest girlfriends:)) the night before I was coming back and I kid you not, Miranda goes - "Does Hannah need a job?!"

So she calls me up before I'm even back into Nebraska and asks if I want a job, then less than 5 minutes later I'm getting a call from Pat McBride from UNL asking if I want the job working at NSE, I accept and within 15 minutes I had a job. Just like that. Never could I have orchestrated such perfect timing. Mind blown!

Here's what blew my mind even more.

From that job, I got hired to be a counselor at Power-Up Weekend for UNL and all the dates coincided perfectly so that I could direct camp at Manna - which was perfect because the woman who was going to had been offered another job.

I mean...what?!

Crazy. :)

So that's my summer employment. Next adventure? Fall employment. :)

Heartbreak Requires Lots of Coffee

Here's a good question: How do you know if you're doing what's right? And not just what's right, but what God wants you to be doing?

I've gone through this before because sometimes I feel pretty strongly that God's nudging me one direction or the other (for example: moving back from Colorado a month ago), and then there's other things I honestly have no idea if I did/am doing the right thing.

Case in point right now is Aaron. (On the off chance that you are reading this, Aaron, you might want to stop.) As hinted at in previous posts, we broke up almost a month ago. I'm really bad about sharing dating relationships with other people - I don't tell lots of people when I start dating someone or a lot about our relationship together or about how I'm doing afterwards - like now.

It's awful. I think I'm the one that sort of did the breaking up, but it happened completely unplanned and unexpected. For the last month it has been almost completely silence between us. Can I say that this is heartbreaking for me? I don't like to say things like that, I like to say things like "I'm fine," and something about moving on and doing "the best thing for both of us" or some other equally cliche response. But the truth is is that I am not ok, thank you very much. At this point, my heart and emotions are all in such a tangle that I have no idea if I did what was right and I don't know what God wants. I wish I could say that I'm busy enjoying all the time I'm spending with other friends, with work, etc. some of which I really do have enjoy, but....there's still a void where he was in my life and in my heart and I miss him.

Do I know if I'm doing what's right? No. Not a clue. If I lived my life based on my emotions I probably would be sitting on his doorstep everynight and I know enough to know that I should probably avoid that.

So this is pretty depressing, right? I would agree. You know what, though? Sometimes that's how life is. Kind of the best picture I've got to give you of a snapshot of my heart right now is a broken bone. Once I broke my foot - a camper fell on it and snapped a whole bunch of stuff in there - and it was broken. And it hurt. And it took a long time to heal and healing and re-training my foot to be a normal foot again took time and also hurt. Like growth pains, sometimes growth hurts. And getting over something that really hurts can take a lot of time. And like a broken bone, this is something I can't make myself rush through. I would like to, believe me. I have never been a cry-er, my whole life. Actually that is something that changed when I was dating Aaron - I felt a lot more comfortable sharing and showing emotions (he is the first boyfriend to ever see me cry). Anyway, I cry a lot right now! It could be anything - the guarantee tipping point is if I hear "Crash My Party" by Luke Bryan I will lose it - it could be a picture on facebook that he is in from Spring Break, it could even be just the street by my house where he would park. I'm just kind of letting the feelings happen - I'm not trying to ignore them and erase our relationship because it was very important to and beautiful for me and changed me and my life and I miss Aaron because he was incredible and lots of other reasons I can't go into because I'm in a public place and if I start crying I might freak some people out.

I hate that this didn't really have a lot of a point or anything super encouraging for anyone - I was feeling compelled to share about the broken bone analogy, I think. But if I could encourage you through this post I would tell you that emotions and feelings are good - you don't need to "suck it up" all the time and pretend you aren't hurting and it's okay to acknowledge that! I'm not weak for saying I cry a lot about Aaron and am sad a lot right now - I miss him! I should be sad! When your heart (or broken bone or whatever) is ready and healed you'll hobble back out into the world and move on but don't rush it because that can end up hurting you even more.

Don't rush the process.

God promises to restore after a time and I'm just hanging on to that thing I know for sure about God right now and not rushing the process.

And drinking a lot of coffee. :)